Birthday Registry: 26th Birthday

I spent the entirety of the last two years learning to love myself better, it sounds really corny when I say it – but if you think about it – it’s a hard task. You’re the only person who’s been with you through every emotion, feeling, thought and deed. You know what was right and what wasn’t – but sometimes, you have to step back and remind yourself to love whoever you are.

I started this last year, where before my 25th birthday I sat down and wrote a list of things that I really actually wanted for myself. Tonight, I sat and reviewed them, and realized on this journey of self-love and exploration – I’m on the right track.

So, this year, for me, I want:

• Be in the present: From my last year, I learned to be in the moment – you know, the whole not documenting my entire life at all times – yeah I got there. But, this year, I want to learn to be ‘in’ the present. I’m constantly in an inner battle of the future – so much so, that I forget to really take what’s in it for me now.
• Learn to say ‘Yes’: I can’t say ‘no’, but this isn’t for that. I want to take more risks – some calculated, some not. In that spirit, I want to learn to say ‘yes’ to new experiences.
• Find time for my writing: I keep saying this – that I want to eventually drop everything and just write – especially if its cheesy romance novels and poems. I want to find my muse and inspiration – and make more time for my kind of writing.
• Putting Myself First: This is something that is really difficult for me. But, learning to prioritize my needs – needs to be something I follow through on.
• Nobody can read (my) mind: I sometimes wonder why a certain person didn’t exactly do or behave in the manner I had cooked up in my head. These scenarios are a great reminder that if I want something – I need to ask for it and not wait for it to eventually happen.
• Stop Overthinking: And give myself and my head a break.
• It’s okay to wait: Things will happen when they are meant to.

Birthday Registry: Things I want

I love my birthday, and why anyone who does not appreciate their day of birth is totally bizarre to me.

As a kid, I’d have a pretty regular birthday list; the latest Barbie doll, possibly with the Kelly or Ken doll, lots of doll clothes, and Swati clothes, some cool accessories,  chocolates – and a mandatory Swati Birthday party. I’m trying to think of a year I didn’t have a birthday party – and I can’t. Every year was something. But that’s me, I love my birthday and I wait for it literally the whole year. My countdown begins a day after my birthday, if not on it.

And since birthdays are synonymous with presents, I was wondering what I wanted to gift myself this birthday. I’m already travelling to Disneyland for my birthday- which is really the best of presents you can get yourself!

But, it also got me thinking if I had a registry, what would I want? Stick with me here, I’m about to sound “super mature” (I know, not many adults will actually use the word super mature).

1. Learning to live in the moment: I know how it isn’t necessary to documenting everything online, and yet I find myself doing it – and for whom? I end up missing the fireworks while I’m taking a video for god-knows-who! I’d like to teach myself to live more in the moment. Not every sunset needs a picture – a mental one, however, might be mandatory. 
2. Enjoy more sunsets: Make more time to find me by the beach during sunset, i.e. my happy place.
3. Being okay with people who don’t like me: I don’t take rejection very easily, and I really am not a fan of people not liking me. Not blowing on my trumpet, but I’m rather easy going and I’ve always ended up making friends easily. But, I need to remind myself that there will always be people who don’t like me, and it isn’t necessarily my fault or problem.
4. To stop wishing to change things that can’t be changed. There will be a lot that I can change, and I will – but there will be something that I can’t do anything to change, and that is okay.
5. To stop saying ‘sorry’ for everything: Learning the difference between actually being ‘sorry’ for when I’m wrong and just saying ‘sorry’ because I have been conditioned to apologize.
6. Remembering that I’m not obliged to putting myself down just to make somebody else happier or more comfortable.
7. Listen to my gut: I’ve got a pretty strong gut feeling thing (mechanism? Not sure what to call it!) and I’ve got to follow it more.
8. Not let little things make me anxious: I’m very easily freaked out, and as I’m turning 25, that is something I’d really like to reward myself – to not let the little things make me so anxious and jumpy.
9. Not taking myself so seriously: Remembering that not every emotion and every feeling needs to be analyzed, sometimes (especially when there is no gut feeling involved) let the fleeting feeling be just that – fleeting.
10. Make more time for my best friends: Yes, they are there. Yes, we are all busy. But, no, that doesn’t mean you don’t make the effort to not check up on them really often especially when they live so far away.
11. The ability to say ‘no’: ‘No’ could be a complete sentence. Sometimes.

 

23 on 23rd!

Today, I’m 23 years old. I am what they refer to as an ‘adult’. Apparently, I was an ‘adult’ some 5 years ago, when I turned 18, they say. Not sure who ‘they’ is. But, I don’t think I got the manual for Adulting. Is there one that everybody receives? Can I subscribe it from somewhere?

This year, unlike 22 birthdays before, I was extremely grumpy and unpleasant about my birthday actually coming. Several reasons contributed to the factor, one being- PMS. Everyone will probably say it was the PMS and the hormones. But, was it?

Let me tell you something about me. I’m a tiny person with the energy of a child high on sugar. Except, I don’t need to be actually high on sugar to have the energy, but God Forbid, when I do have sugar…  Point is, my birthday is probably the most awaited days of the year. Sometimes, I start planning them as early as the night of my birthday when I’m in bed after my fancy party and all the presents open. (I know, I sound like I’m 5 more than 23). I am 23. Still can’t grasp it.

So, this year, I was supposed to behave like an adult. I’m being told continuously to act like a grown up, to show I’m mature. One of them being was to not get too excited about my birthday. Which, my best friend, Cee pointed out is absolutely rubbish and me not being excited about my birthday is like me not being excited about my birthday. I’m sorry, it’s just on such a high scale of things that it cannot be compared to much. See, that’s the kind of person I am. 

I’m like that episode of Gossip Girl (I still love this show!), where Blair Waldorf planned this whole birthday party. The similarity is here- She had such expectations, and when it didn’t go the way she wanted, she had sort-of a meltdown.

 

I’m 23 years old. I still love to have cake for breakfast (whenever my parents let me). I still live with my parents (which is very common if you’re from the desi households). I have chosen a career path for me, which I’m kinda passionate about, but the bell of unassertive about. I still believe can live on chocolate. I still can’t wear high heels without groaning about the excruciating pain.

If that’s an adult, I’m there. Happy Birthday to me!